It s nearing that time of month again... According to my own internal calculation, I should be seeing that I m not pregnant telltale sign tomorrow... I could always refer back to mymonthlycycles.com for a better calculation but they aren t exactly reliable - somehow they ve included my first pregnancy months and therefore, each of my cycle is close to 50 days long... In order to take my mind off the whole thing, I ve decided to keep busy with my little shop... Starting French classes helped and hopefully in time, a job will ease matters considerably... … View Post »

(Well, it works if you have kids as well ) Modelled after Bingo (you know, I call out a number and you see if you have it on your piece of paper, five numbers in a row and you get Bingo), the game is easy and meant from kids ages 4 to adults (amazing, huh?)... All they have to do is match the numbers on the board to the ones given by the on-screen caller (remotes and such)... … View Post »

To once again go through the Will I miss my period?... I was even though I caught the flu and popped some pills, something which I haven t done in a very very long time (yes, the last time I got sick was nearly 1.5 years ago)... My consolation is in the fact that a lot of women don t release eggs at every cycle, so maybe it s one of those months where I m shooting out blanks (sorry about the descriptions)... … View Post »

and we got the all good to go sign from the doctors... After the second blood test last week, we were given a slot to come back and check if all was okay... The system here is slightly different from Malaysia - you go to the reception counter to get your registration details and this nifty little card with a magnetic strip at the back... Then you take it to the floor and reception desk that you re supposed to go to and give it to whoever who is at the counter... In my case, I went in to two men - one doctor and the other a student - and a nurse... Anyway, after another transvaginal scan, the doctor gave us the news we ( didn t ) needed to hear... More importantly, he reiterated the fact that I can get pregnant and my uterus plus ovaries are healthy... We are also free to try for the next one after two or three months but I think Nil might not care to follow that rule... … View Post »

Since we are back on the TTC ( Trying To Conceive ) road, Nil and I thought it would be best to try again after my period ended... The last time we had intercourse was nearly three weeks ago so both of us were getting a little rusty, not to mention sexually frustrated... For me, it felt a little strange to have sex again after going through a pregnancy loss... Perhaps it is because I fear that the same thing will happen again - the whole pregnancy occurring and having to deal with the loss... … View Post »

The past few days have been tranquil, to say the least, and while I have bawled my eyes out for two nights in a row, today was pretty quiet and emo - less ( although I do feel a bout of something coming on )... I do wonder if it s because the fact still hasn t sunk it or it s because I just well, feel different about the whole thing... they were right to assume that the first few things I would think of were that: It was my fault - I didn t look out for all those pantangs * or that I told people too soon My body was weak, broken, unhealthy I am infertile It is never the woman s fault when she goes through an early pregnancy loss or a spontaneous abortion... Usually both incidents occur because the egg / fetus is not viable, has too many chromosomal errors and / or has no heartbeat or development... In my case, the pregnancy was doomed from the start at a genetic level and no amount of whatever I do or didn t do would have changed anything!... From the Babycenter article A large empty sac on the scan is a sign of a blighted ovum, where conception occurred and the fertilised egg implanted in your womb but the baby did not develop... It usually happens accidentally, and most women go on to have a successful pregnancy next time... Being healthy is not a sure guarantee that you ll never have to go through a miscarriage... Statistics have shown that most women will go through at least two miscarriages in their lifetime;... It is however a commonly accepted view that approximately 1 in 5 of all human pregnancies are grossly abnormal and therefore miscarry spontaneously at about the time of the first period or they are blighted ova and miscarry at about the 8th or 10th week... Some authorities consider that blighted ova constitute 1 in 10 of all human pregnancies [ emphasis is mine ] Contrary to what I thought, this actually means that I can get pregnant, my uterus and ovaries are fine ( double - confirmed by the transvaginal ultrasound ) and that my body does its job pretty well so far... I supposed this is why I don t really feel sad - sure, I mourned my loss by planting a dahlia tuber and two freesia corms as part of my summer flower collection... It is my way of dealing with the loss, just as how Gabriella Solis dealt with hers ( Desperate Housewives Season 2, remember?... Well, it made my HB and his family cross as well because to them, it wasn t helpful I know people mean well, I know people care and I am very thankful for the wonderful comments from friends, family and even strangers... To individuals like Christine, Alesia, Maggie, Mel & Sham, Su Yin and the whole bunch of you folks who commented, thank you for kind and supportive comments!... I don t know you folks but I do thank God from the bottom of my heart for those lovely words But my biggest and greatest thanks is to Annie for sharing your heartaches, and your stories with me on this blog... … View Post »

We rushed to the hospital s emergency where very lovely doctors attended to us with a transvaginal ultrasound scan and a blood test... According to the blood test, I was supposed to be six weeks pregnant but the transvaginal ultrasound scan revealed that I have anembryonic pregnancy commonly known as a blighted ovum - it means that instead of a blastocyst developing into an embryo, it was just a sac of nothing implanted in my uterus... And the bleeding meant that my body was basically aborting the sac - cervix dilated and well, expelling of uterine wall lining... In short, I was going through a spontaneous abortion or more commonly known as a miscarriage... It s funny because Nil s sister mentioned that I was lucky that it s not a miscarriage - I supposed she was speaking from a medical context because she went on to explain that miscarriages usually happen because there is something wrong with your body... the egg just wasn t viable... Apparently, one fifth of pregnancies end up in this situation - chromosomal defects and such... … View Post »

I have been seeing some spotting from Friday evening onwards and increasingly more over the weekend... Until I got Nil to make a phone call to my sister - in - law who is currently working as a doctor in France and a mother of two young children... What is going on in the body?... According to an article in Parents.com, spotting in the first few days of a pregnancy is often caused by what is known as an implantation bleeding... ) is busy making a hole in the uterine wall... From what my sister - in - law tells me - which is my case - in later weeks of a pregnancy especially in the first trimester, it is caused because the uterus walls are expanding and so some blood vessels will burst... It can also be due to hormonal shifts in the uterus - it is adjusting to the fact that it s period time but it only sheds a little of the uterine lining... I was told to only be concerned and see the doctor immediately if I were to have painful cramps AND bright red bleeding that doesn t stop... By her definition of doesn t stop, it means that if you have to change panties all day long, it s time to visit the doc... My spotting was brown - pink and without cramps, so it is just a normal occurrence in pregnant woman... I was advised to avoid long car trips in my first and third trimester because of the vibrations so no road trips for me... The parting message was that all would be clearer when we see the doctor next week... … View Post »

Another week down and lots more to go... From Baby Gaga, here is the development report: Woohoo!... You ve got one whole inch of baby inside of you!... Your little embryo has finally reached the one - inch mark ( 30mm )... For starters, their little tail ( really just the spinal cord ) has disappeared completely... Upper and lower limbs all show recognizable joints ( elbows and knees ) and the lower limb bones are starting to ossify... Right now, your babys head is disproportionately larger than the rest of their body making up almost half of your little ones height and weight!... While my morning sickness / nausea is down to nearly zero, the other symptoms like my mood swings have gone up a few notches... I am weepy almost all the time and am easily irritable as well... The funny ( sad ) thing is that Nil is the one putting up with it most of the time... My friends and family get away scot - free... I have also been active but I don t know if that is a good idea... … View Post »