Dear Mama,

It's January 8, and tomorrow our Angel will turn 11. I thought I take her out, perhaps to the movies with Ralph and Edgar. She is excited, she is even willing to spend her 'aginaldo' to make sure we will go out tomorrow.

It's just the first week of their class after a long vacation. Next week will be Angel's examination, of course that means I need to pay her last installment on tuition fees. Unfortunately, I didn't do good last month, that's why I'm short today. I hope the school will allow us to defer payment and still have her exam.

That will be all for now Mama. I'll tell you about Angel's birthday tomorrow. Take care Mama. I love you.

I miss you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

The kids have just left for school. After being with them for more than 2 weeks all the time at the house, I am now again left all alone Mama. Ralph will be back before lunch, unless there are school activities he has to attend to. Angel and Edgar won't be home until this afternoon.

Friday will be Angel's birthday, she said she wants to go to the movies. She is even willing to spend her 'aginaldos' to pay for the movie Mama. You know how generous and unselfish Angel can be. Our baby will 11 by then.

I really don't have much to say now Mama. I just wanted to talk to you. Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

The children's Christmas vacation is over and on Monday they will be going back to school, that means I will be alone again at the house until they come home from school.

Anyway, today we were able to go to Paranaque with Nanay and Tatay. Ralph and Angel enjoyed it because they served us lots of food at Tia Suling's house. But what's more important about the trip is that Tatay was able to go back to his home again, which only happens once a year.

Next Friday, January 9, our little darling Angel will turn 11. I want to make the day special for her Mama. She have class then, maybe I can prepare something for her while she is still in school. She said she wants sunglasses for her birthday, I hope I can buy her one.

My eyelids are already closing Mama, I guess I should call it a night too. It's already 12:26 AM, the kids are already asleep. Bye for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's already 2009, 2:03 AM. The children are already sleeping. We were able to celebrate the new year, although just quietly. You know we never use firecrackers and other exploding materials to greet the new year.

We were just outside, waiting and watching every fireworks that we see in the sky. But what makes me really happy Mama is that I was able to prepare real food again. I cooked pancit canton and made a chocolate version of the refrigerator cake. I also made chicken sandwhich Mama, and those little hotdogs which we put on toothpicks together with marshmallow and cheese and arranged them on the cabbage just like what you were doing before Mama.

Angel said the pancit canton tasted good. In fact, they ate it all. I thought we can have something left for breakfast. The refrigerator cake was also a surprise for me Mama. I didn't expect it to turn out that way. I'm sure glad Angel prodded me to do it.

Now, I feel tired from all those preparation. But happy nonetheless Mama. I sure hope I can sustain this happiness as I look forward to a better year for us.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's December 31 6:08 AM, the kids are still asleep. In a few moments we'll be preparing for the coming New Year Mama. I still don't know what to do, although Angel and I already have plans.

We may not have games or a party tonight Mama, but I want to make sure that the kids will have fun tonight.

Anyway, I just want to greet you Mama. Happy New Year. I miss you Mama. Take care.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Christmas is over, and now I'm thinking yet again of what to do for New Year's Eve. But it's not exactly the New Year's eve that I'm afraid about Mama. I know the kids will understand whatever I can come up for the occasion.

But what I'm worried about Mama, is the new year being ushered in. I know it should be bringing me more hope Mama. But the thought of going through another year brings me more anxieties. I just hope it won't catch me in this state.

The kids are fine Mama, although they get bored at home. It's their Christmas vacation.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you. I really wish I can be with you soon.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Just finished cleaning up after the Christmas party, the kids are all asleep now. It wasn't that bad. We finished early, so we ate early. I did not do the lumpiang shanghai like I told you before, instead I just cooked ground beef, and bought tortilla chips and some dips. I was able to make the 'tiramisu' although I should be buying more fruit cocktail and creams next time.

The party was fun, the children participated and they were very cooperative. Angel danced and recited a poem, Ralph sang and Edgar played the guitar. We had a great time with the games, I thought I would run out of games. Fortunately, there weren't really any lull in between games.

We were happy Mama, because we were able to continue what you started. I wish you have seen us. Take care of yourself Mama. Merry Christmas.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I just finished preparing the food for our annual Christmas party, we will start in about an hour. It will be our first without you Mama. I made a program for the party and have discussed it with the kids, they also have prepared their numbers for the presentation.

Hope you can join us Mama and watch us as we hold our tradition which you have started. Take care Mama. I miss you.

Merry Christmas Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I feel sick. My eyes are watery and I am sneezing most of the time. I think I got the flu. I already took medicine Mama. I just hope this won't get worse.

I wish you can touch me tonight.

I guess I have to rest now and continue looking for blogging opportunities tomorrow.

Goodnight Mama. Take care.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's now December 22, two days to go before the noche buena. I'm still thinking of what to prepare for the kids. I don't want to do the spaghetti again because I want to do something new.

Angel is asking me to make the 'tiramisu' Mama. I still don't know if I can do it. I'm also choosing between the barbeque or lumpiang shanghai. I know I haven't made lumpiang shanghai before, it will be another first for me if ever Mama.

Well, we still don't have any ham, I'm planning to buy one on Wednesday if budget permits. That's all I can think of right now Mama as far as the food is concern. Of course, I'm also discussing the games with Angel for our Christmas party. I also told them to prepare some numbers for the party.

That's all for now Mama. Hope you can join us in our party. Take care Mama. I love you.

I miss you Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm waiting for Christmas, not that I want it to come, but I just want it to be over with. I already bought gifts for the kids. Although I'm still thinking how to celebrate the noche buena and our traditional Christmas party.

I hope I can pull this one through Mama, for the sake of the kids.

Pray for me that at least I can make it a happy for them.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

As the days passed by, I'm finally realizing how hard it is to maintain the house. Everywhere I look is a mess, including me. I thought I can arrange the house to make it more homey, but I don't even know where to start.

With the noche buena fast approaching, I have been thinking of what to prepare for the kids Mama. Honestly, I can't think of anything.

So far, the only preparation we have done is to draw out names for our exchange gifts. I hope, we can think of something to prepare before Christmas eve comes.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I haven't written you for sometime, and I admit I did that on purpose. Aside from not having anything really good to say, I'm having those 'episodes' again and I feel so low, lost and lonely. If I write, I might not be able to say anything but rants and whines.

That's why last Monday, I didn't say anything and just greeted you a happy wedding anniversary. Because that was the only good thing I can say then Mama.

Anyway, before I post more rants, this morning Angel and her classmates performed in their school's Songfest. I was able to videotaped them, although I was far so the image are blurred. They performed well, and they are the third runner up. There were 8 groups in the contest.

Next week will be Christmas parties for the kids, Angel, Edgar and perhaps Ralph too even though he is already in college.

That will be all for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Today is December 8, our wedding anniversary.

Happy 17th wedding anniversary Mama.

Take care, I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I've just been to La Pieta today after taking Angel to school. I brought some orchids for you. As I placed the orchids and lighted the candles, I was asking myself if you can still appreciate the flowers.

I know, I haven't brought you much flower when you were still here Mama. And you have forgiven me for that because it was not my style. Now, I try to bring flowers every time I visit you at the cemetery.

Does not make sense, does it Mama? No matter how many roses or orchids I bring, no matter how big a bouquet I may take there, you won't be able to touch nor smell them. But why am I doing it?

Just like these letters, I hope that I can reach to you Mama. I hope that you somehow can see and appreciate them, and see how much I miss you.

I know, I should have brought you more flowers then. I could have held you more often and said I love you. Instead of doing it all today when you can longer hear me and see all these things I'm doing. I'm really sorry Mama. I could have shown you more when you were still here.

I miss you Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I intend to write you last night, but I was tired and slept immediately after dinner. Yesterday, I made fruit salad and cooked spaghetti so we can celebrate your birthday. I was hesitant at first Mama, because I really don't know how to prepare the fruit salad. I just went for gut feel, as I try to recall how you prepare your fruit salad then.

Angel said it tastes just like yours, but I know it still need lots of improvements. As for the spaghetti, my first time to cook without a coach by my side. After preparing the fruit salad, I started on the spaghetti, I was excited and happy as I was cooking Mama.

Suddenly, I didn't know why but my tears started to fall Mama.... I was alone in the kitchen, the children were playing in their rooms. I really can't do anything as my tears fall freely... then I realize, I was cutting the onions. Just want to make you smile Mama.

The spaghetti wasn't perfect either Mama, but at least the children liked it. I wish you could've tasted them so I know where to improve.

Of course, we sang happy birthday Mama. I hope you were with us last night as we celebrate your birthday.

That will be all for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Happy birthday! It's 12:15 AM, I've waited for your birthday before writing my letter. I wrote a short poem for you Mama. I hope you will like it.

I wish you were here...

I wish you were here, so I can kiss you today
I wish you were here, so I can hug you on your birthday
I will hold your hands, even for just a while,
And once again, I will see you smile...

I wish you were here... so I can say
Happy Birthday Mama.

I hope you like it Mama. I need to make it short, or else who knows what I might write in the poem. I just want to greet you on this special day Mama. Happy birthday! I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Angel is still in the Top 10 for the second grading. But she slid a bit in the ranking, she is now ranked 9, a point lower than her previous rank 8 (not 7 as I previously wrote to you). Anyway, I told her it's just okay. I can see her efforts Mama, I'm just not sure if her teachers see it or appreciate it.

But its not good news when it comes to Edgar. Some of his grades increased, but some even decreased. His average for 2nd grading is lower than his first. I know he is doing his best Mama. I just don't understand why it doesn't reflect in his grades.

Ralph is still waiting for the announcement of the Dean's Lister for the 1st semester. He said he is sure based on his computation, but the official list isn't posted yet. Like I told you before Mama, he is more serious in his studies now. He is conscious of his grades now, because he needs to maintain a required average to stay in his major.

Well, I guess that would be all for now Mama. By the way, on Saturday, I guess I'll just make fruit salad for the kids. We can't really go out because Ralph has school the whole day. So we will just celebrate your birthday at home. I still don't know what's for main course though. Maybe I'll just buy us some litson manok and cake.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you very much.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It will be your birthday this Saturday, November 29. Until now, I still don't know what to do to celebrate that day. After that would be our wedding anniversary on December 8, could have been our 17th year... and soon it will be Christmas.

All of these will be our first without you. Suddenly, I'm not excited on any holidays or occasions anymore Mama. I wish I could just sleep and wake up skipping these days.

Yes, we already have our Christmas Tree Mama. Although it is still lacking in trimmings and lights. But at least the children can feel the spirit... I hope. I haven't bought anything yet though.

I hope I can do something to make it special for the kids, even if at this point in time, I'm still clueless how to do it Mama. I don't know if that's really the case, or I just don't want to.

Anyway, I'll just see what I can or will do in the coming days Mama. Take care of yourself now.

I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

I really wish I can talk to you right now Mama...

I wish...

Dear Mama,

Dang Ising finally gave up last night. I received a text at around 11:55PM saying that she had just passed away. This is sad news for us here, but as we all know, it's all for the better cause finally now she can rest and be with Bapang Vic.

I'm sure you already know about this Mama, because she is already there with you. You are now both at peace.

That's all for now Mama, I'll just update you about the kids later. Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I just came from the hospital. We rushed Dang Ising to hospital, she was pale and I think she wasn't breathing anymore. I was in Sta. Teresita because I will accompany Tatay to the bank, we were about to leave when I heard my cousin Len shouting.

Good thing Loren was there Mama, we were able to use his tricycle. I'm telling this to you Mama because I know that Dang Ising was fond of you too. While we were there waiting outside the emergency room, I remembered how she would always encourage you then. And now, there she is, in a situation where she is about to go where you are.

When I left the hospital, they said she will be taken to the ICU. But Dr. Alfonso was honest Mama, he said that Dang Ising has a 10 to 1 chance of surviving. I pray that she would survive Mama, the way I saw my cousins there, they were not ready to let go.

But just in case she finally says goodbye, do meet her Mama. Just like you, I know she needs to rest. She has been weak since Bapang Vic died last year.

That's all for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I went to La Pieta this afternoon to be with you. It's nice going there Mama, because it's so quiet. As I was sitting there, I felt kind of envious with you. Because you are already at peace. It must feel good to be at peace.

How I wish I can be at peace with you too, but I know that shouldn't be my thought. I need to take care of the kids. I know I need to be strong Mama, I don't want to fail you.

When it was almost dark, I already went home. I wanted to stay longer Mama, because it was so peaceful there. Anyway, I will come some other days.

Take care Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Are you surprised to receive a second letter from me today? I just had my lunch, Ralph's class today will be until 2:00PM and so he will wait for Angel until 4:00PM. That's why he didn't go home for lunch. And Edgar won't be home until 5:00PM.

I don't know why, I've been all alone since 6:30AM but it's like I've just noticed it now... as I was having lunch alone. Suddenly I felt so lonely... all by myself. I wish you were here Mama. I miss you.

I'm sure there will be more of this, and I don't I will get used to it. That's all Mama. I just want to tell how I feel. Take care. I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy