I could tell you all the story behind this, but it’s tedious to set up and would take all the funny out of the picture. Suffice it to say that That One came into the living room last night looking like this:

I tell ya, every girl ought to have a big burly lumberjack-looking cross dresser in her life. We laugh a lot, he and I. And stay up late drinking coffee and talking. The only thing that isn’t fun is the new dark circles under my eyes. Good thing I have good concealer.

Webcam shot, laughing at That One, cause he’s just so darn fun-nay.

Or my opinion on Nicholas Sparks

Recently, I have been exploring Nicholas Sparks, on the recommendation of Goober. (Don’t shoot me, he picked he name himself.) I’ve read A Walk to Remember and A Bend in the Road and I have watched The Notebook and Message in a Bottle. They’ve been interesting reads/movies and I do like this author. So far, all the stories are set in North Carolina, which is fun for me, because he is describing places I know: Outer Banks vacation homes, the smell of salt water, slow and east small town life. Of course, he lives here, so that makes sense.

Now, I have never read an author before who was so very successful in making Love a main character in his novels. Seriously. An actual character, above and beyond the actual people of the story. As I read, it was an almost separate thing, the love. And that’s the rub for me of Nicholas Sparks: Love always triumphs, and yet…..there is no happily ever after ending. The people characters always end up with little holes in their hearts, unless they die. Which is, I guess, the way Love works in real life, too. Sigh.

Ok, I’ll pass out bonus points for settings and character development. I’ll give a passing mark to plot. And I’ll take away a couple of points for making the stories too realistic, because, after all, sometimes a girl still wants to believe she could be Cinderella. And I’ll read a few more of his books when I can find them in the library.

Yes, with a real camera! Today was spent at cheer competition. And I must insert here that I was told I looked pretty darn good today. And no Medifast coupons were used to obtain the figure that was so complimented. Which you can’t even see in this picture. Muhahahahhahaha. Both of the teams that could advance did and so it appears that I will be traveling to Charlotte over Thanksgiving once again, this time with THREE cheerleaders, instead of two.

Yesterday, I mentioned some things I mean to discuss and they included

my new closet

such a long freaking hiatus

old photo albums

massive downsizing of my personal possessions

gaining free time

dancing on a fine thin line

pinkness

I suppose we might as well start at the beginning with the blogging hiatus. I found out a few months ago that in addition to in-person stalking, my EH (that would be estranged husband) was also cyber-stalking me, to wit, following me on twitter, trying to friend me on facebook and also reading this blog. A blog where I have poured my heart out again and again and again over the years of it’s existence and which he never bothered to read before we separated. Now, he’s no more interested in my thoughts and feelings now than he was then, and I know that. He mostly hopes I’ll drop a juicy tidbit about wild monkey sex on the living room floor in front of the children, I’m sure. But I am not going to do that, because I can’t. I speak truth here, and since there isn’t any of that, I can’t just say there is, yk?

The thing is, it’s me. This blog is about me, and I am disinclined to put myself out there in front of him anymore. He wasn’t interested when I tried and now it is too damn late. And so I quit blogging, because I don’t want him to think he knows me when he really doesn’t. Even when he reads it in black and white, I doubt he gets it. But that leads to it’s own set of issues— I am a writer: the stories must come out. We’ve discussed this very thing right here before, you (dear readers) and I. In truth, during this period of silence, I have had a lot of fun. I’ve done a lot of growing and a lot of learning, but it’s also been a time of great personal upheaval as I try to erase erroneous behavior patterns that I adopted while I was so depressed toward the end of my marriage. And by end, I don’t just mean the final weeks. So there has been much work, and also much sorrow and a great deal of joy going on with me.

You know, it is not a cakewalk, coming back into one’s rightful self. It is a tumultuous thing, to realize where you currently are, and where you once were, and to begin the slow and hopefully steady climb back to your former self. At one point during this great adventure, I was thoroughly chastised by a very young friend for not “doing more”. Of course, what my young friend did not see was my amazing duck move. That’s when I look still and calm on the outside, but I am paddling like mad on the inside. She was seeing a house that needed cleaned and boxes of stuff that needed sorted and I was seeing a heart and soul that needed some serious loving mending, and that is what I was busy doing. It took the form of “laziness” to her, of disregard. What she saw was a lot of coffee consumed, a lot of cigarettes smoked, and much conversation with friends who love me, even when I find it hard to love myself. That was HARD WORK. But when I had accomplished that mental and emotional work, I cleared that mess she was looking at in a day and a half.

And it was a mess, too. Law, law. That One and Micheal and Jane had moved everything we owned that wasn’t nailed down into the living room of my house. Jeepers, Creepers, it was a lot of stuff. Fourteen bags to charity and probably the same again to the trash and still over half of it had to be put away. And I believe we could pull that same stunt again with similar results. But that will have to wait. I emptied out my old closet yesterday, and the corner of the living room is now filled with that mess. But that, dear friends is a story for another day.

So, after such a long freaking hiatus, which I am sure I will be discussing at some point, I’ve come back to tell you that I put all my shoes in my new closet today (yes, we need to discuss that, too) and SRSLYWTF??!!??, I have FORTY THREE pairs of shoes. Forty three, I say, including the pair that was on my feet. What woman in her right mind needs forty three pairs of shoes? Clearly, if I had spent even part of that money on acne treatments, I’d have better skin today. Fortunately for me, my skin has never really given me problems, except during pregnancy, so I get to keep the shoes. Not that I planned to actually get rid of more than three pairs. Of old worn out flip flops. Ahem.

I also dug out old photo albums from back in the day. And back in my parents day, too. Which also bears some discussion, but not right this minute, I’m still reeling a bit from that.

Also, I found my camera a couple days ago.

And yesterday, when I was uploading pics to Walgreens for printing, I remembered that I started a project 365 in January of this year. Back when my house was clean, and I thought I would still be married for the forseeable future and I had goals beyond just getting through and before, before, before. And who would want to see pictorial evidence of a torn up house and like-wise torn up home, and so on, so on, so forth???

BUT, I am formally announcing my intention to Project 365 next year.

And also, still to discuss: massive downsizing of my personal possessions. And gaining free time. And dancing on a fine thin line. And pinkness.

Note:

Mobile post sent by Cass using Utterli.  Replies.

Mobile post sent by Cass using Utterli.  Replies.

Note:

Mobile post sent by Cass using Utterli.  Replies.

Mobile post sent by Cass using Utterli.  Replies.